


butterflies

by ren_xx



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Blowjobs, Come Swallowing, Coming Out, Cutting, Deepthroating, Gay Michael Mell, Gay Sex, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kinda fluff? idk, M/M, Oral Sex, Post-Squip, Rimming, Self Harming Michael Mell, Self-Harm, Smut, TW - Cutting, handjobs, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:54:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22249006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ren_xx/pseuds/ren_xx
Summary: His face was so close. So close... Too close…Oh.My.Fucking.God.Jeremy Heere just kissed me.
Relationships: Jeremy Heere & Michael Mell, Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell
Comments: 9
Kudos: 111





	butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> just be warned, there are mentions of self harm/cutting in this fic. i don't want to offend anyone, so if this topic is sensitive, maybe skip out on this fic :) 
> 
> \- ambrosia_and_roses

"Goddammit!" Jeremy swore, slamming his controller against his thigh. "Stupid-ass zombies."

"Calm down, Jere, it's fine," I chuckled, easily dodging an attack from the same zombie that had killed Jeremy.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure." He said crossly, scowling.

I paused the game and turned to face him. "Wanna take a break? I've got some ice cream in the freezer."

He nodded. I set the controller down and stood. Or, tried to, anyways. My foot got caught on the leg of the coffee table and I tripped, spinning on my back as I fell. Directly. On. Top. Of. Jeremy. 

Shit.

We toppled over, legs flailing. Jeremy ended up on top of me, his lean limbs tangled with mine. My face heated as blood rushed to my cheeks. Butterflies flapped around in my stomach, my dirty mind imagining a different scenario. "Er, sorry, Jere. Accident, um..."

I trailed off as I stared at Jeremy's heated face. His dark eyes were fixed on my... mouth? What? Was the Squip back?

"Uh, hello? Earth to Jeremy?" I snapped my fingers in front of his face.

He shook his head, disentangling himself from me. "Sorry, dude. I, uh, spaced out...? For a sec?"

"Oh."

We sat in awkward silence for a few more seconds before he burst out, "Let's go get that ice cream."

I nodded and trudged up the stairs, Jeremy walking behind me. When we reached the freezer, I yanked the doors open and basked in the cool air, closing my eyes and tilting my head back. This summer had been unbelievably hot. Thankfully, Jeremy and I had found a huge fan in the back of my attic. We spent a whole afternoon trying to fix the fan attachment, only to have to drive to Lowe's and buy a new one. Of course, it wouldn't be as hot if I just wore shorts and a tee like a normal fucking person... 

I imagined a flash of a blue, an orange, a black wing as the colony of butterflies swirled around inside me, agitated by my thoughts.

"M, you good?" Jeremy tapped me on the shoulder. "You looked a bit... sad?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine." I shook my head and yanked the carton of ice cream out of the freezer. "Hey, get some spoons."

I turned and started to dash down the stairs, but I tripped over my own feet and felt myself catapult forwards. I yelped, the ice cream flying out of my grip. The butterflies were tossed around as I tumbled down the stairs, hitting my shoulder on every step. Almost as if in slow motion, I saw the nail enter my shoulder, slicing through my hoodie, and then felt it stab through my skin. I landed flat on my back, all of the air squeezed cruelly out of me. The butterflies panted and tried to recover.

"Shit!" Jeremy dropped the spoons with a clatter and darted down the stairs in a second. He seemed to teleport to my side. "M, are you hurt?"

"Ugh, my shoulder..." I groaned, pushing myself up into a sitting position with my other arm.

"Crap, bro, lemme look at it." Jeremy prompted. "Here, take your hoodie off."

Oh no. No no no no no no no no no no no no no. No way. "I... Uh... Don't have a shirt on underneath." I stammered, running a shaking hand through my crumpled hair.

"Dude, it's fine, I don't care. You might be hurt, let me see." Jeremy grabbed the sleeve of my hoodie and gently eased my arm out of it, then yanked the rest of the red fabric over my head.  
Shit. Nononononono. No. I felt like curling in on myself and retreating into a cave. This was the first time Jeremy had seen me without a shirt since middle school, before I started...thinking things about him.

"Oh my god, Michael..." Jeremy tentatively brought a hand to my shoulder. "Ow, that looks like it hurts like hell."

A huge bruise the size of an lemon had formed on my shoulder, the blue and purple staining my skin. The small nail was wedged in there, all right. The silver top was barely visible in a puddle of blood.  
Strangely, I didn't seem to feel it. Still, Jeremy insisted on dragging me to the bathroom and patching me up. I squirmed from my seat on the bathroom counter, my arms wrapped firmly around my middle. My torso felt horribly exposed, and I couldn't help but try to hide myself.

He carefully extracting the nail with a pair of tiny tweezers I'd found in my moms' drawer. Jeremy had made a variety of pained expressions as he slid it out. It was funny, it seemed like it'd hurt him more. With each small wince from Jeremy, another butterfly tried to dart up my esophagus and burst out of my mouth. To avoid that, I kept my mouth firmly shut. Jeremy dabbed a cotton ball on my shoulder, wiping the blood away. Then, the sharp burn of hydrogen peroxide set in.

"Shit, ow, Jere." I shivered, wrinkling my nose. "Not only does that stuff feel like a jellyfish sting, it smells like... I don't know what. Something disgusting though."

He laughed, a big grin growing on his face. He snatched the gauze from the counter next to me. "You don't have big enough band-aids, so this will have to do. Arm up, please."

I reluctantly released my torso and lifted my arm a small bit. Jeremy wrapped the gauze around my shoulder, tucking the end in place. 

"My god, Jeremy. That looks terrible. Never become a doctor." I teased, flicking his shoulder.

"Hey, you complain, but would you have done any better? Geez, I hope it's not infected." He placed the gauze on the counter and extended his hand.

I stared at it blankly for a second before realizing he meant to help me down. I grabbed his hand and he tugged me off the counter.

"Thanks, Jere."

"Hey, no problem, but, uh, you might need to wash your hoodie. And your pants. They've got blood and dirt on them. When's the last time you vacuumed down here, man?" He laughed and tossed the bundle of clothes to me.

Shit. That was my last clean hoodie. Cue the butterflies.

"Hey, Jeremy, I'm gonna go change, I'll be right back." I reported, trudging back up the stairs to my bedroom. I rummaged through my dresser, but the only remotely decent clothes I could find were a skimpy tank top from Miami and a pair of short shorts from a year ago, when I thought for a fleeting second that I had any kind of self-esteem. I sighed shakily and changed into the revealing clothes, then walked to the laundry room and started a load of clothes, tossing my hoodie and pants inside.

I tiptoed down the stairs in socked feet, arms wrapped around my torso. I was dreading Jeremy's reaction for some reason. I mean, I had only ever worn pants and hoodies around him, but I didn't really know why I cared. Just kidding, I totally knew. Jeremy hadn't seen me dressed anything like this since seventh grade, when I first started thinking differently about him. The butterflies spit angrily at me, annoyed that I kept agitating them.

"Hey Jere, didja, uh, save any ice cream for me?" I called out, hoping that Jeremy couldn't hear my voice trembling ever-so-slightly.

His head snapped to the staircase and he froze. I gave him a shy wave. His eyes widened a tiny bit and he seemed shocked. His eyes traveled slowly down my exposed body, and his lips parted slightly, like he was about to speak.

Was that... a blush creeping onto his face? Holy shit, I was blushing too. Double shit.

I blinked, averting my eyes. My face was on fire as Jeremy gawked at me. He shook his head. "Uh, yeah, there's still some left."

"Oh, good." I murmured, sitting down lightly on the couch.

He silently handed the tub of Rocky Road to me, along with a clean spoon. I carved out a spoonful, digging the spoon deep into the dessert to avoid talking.

"So..." Jeremy tapped his fingers on the tops of his thighs, "where'd you get that shirt?"

I startled a bit, but then responded, "Oh, yeah, my moms and I went to Miami about a year ago to visit some of my cousins."

"Oh. Cool."

"Yep."

I swear I could hear crickets chirping as we sat awkwardly. I half-wished Jeremy still had the Squip so we could actually maintain a conversation.

"Oh, uh, funny story." I burst out, trying to kill the silence. "When we went to visit my family last week, my homophobic great-grandma kept telling my moms that they would go to hell because they were homo sinners. So, uh, that was fun."

Godammit, Michael! That wasn't funny, why the fuck would you say that? I swallowed, glancing at Jeremy. More butterflies.

He offered a weak laugh. "Sorry...um, that sucks."

We both looked away and sat in silence for a few more minutes.

"I have something to tell you..." Jeremy blurted, then trailing off as he looked away.

“Oh, what?" I looked at him expectantly, glad for a break in the silence.

He inhaled. "I'm, uh, bisexual? But I prefer... guys? I kinda just came to terms with it this summer."

Oh, okay, not totally unexpected. I had caught Jeremy eyeing Rich a few times, when Christine wasn't in the room, of course.

"Oh, cool. Does Christine know?"

"Actually... Christine and I broke up. On Friday. She came out too. She's ace and lesbian, and, uh, I'm pretty sure she's dating Brooke now? Who's pan now, apparently? Everyone's coming out this summer. I guess it's because it's gonna be senior year or something."

"Oh."

Shit shit shit shit. Should I say it? Oh God.

"Actually, Jere, I think this might be a good time to, uh.... Um, I'm gay... you probably knew that already, but, uh, I'm officially coming out, er, I g-guess."

Jeremy's eyes widened a tiny bit, giving him away. Shit. Oh God, I had probably just ruined our friendship until the end of time. Great, way to go Michael, you fucking dumbass. I cursed myself, digging my fingernails deep into my palms. 

"Look, just-forget I s-said that," I whispered hoarsely, squeezing my eyes shut. The butterflies flapped their wings frantically, as if to lift me with them and fly away. 

"What? Why?" Jeremy asked, honestly sounding baffled, "I'm not... homophobic?... or anything... Shit, M, I literally just came out to you? You honestly think I care?"

I opened one eye, "Y-you don't?"

He laughed, "No, Michael, relax. Your knuckles are super white."

Before I could react, he grabbed my fist and eased it open, his beautiful dark eyes landing on the crescent-shaped scars that marred my palms. His eyes lit up with worry.

"Michael... are you...okay?"

I couldn't hold it in anymore. 

"No," I sobbed, tears leaking out of my eyes. I buried my face in my hands, chest heaving. "I'm so far from okay, Jeremy."

He silently embraced me, his slender arms grounding me somewhat. He turned my palm up, staring at the marks. His eyes traveled down and he let out a hollow gasp. I squeezed my eyes shut. He had seen them. Wings flapped in my stomach.

"Oh my God, Michael..." His voice broke on my name, and I could tell he was holding back tears. He brushed his thumb over the many crimson scars that crossed both of my wrists and spanned down my trembling arms. He silently wrapped his arms firmly around me, and I could feel cool tears hitting the top of my head. I tilted my head upwards slightly to look at him, my vision blurry with tears. I blinked them away and glanced up.

Jeremy was looking at me with an odd expression, his cheeks glistening from the trails of tears. His face was on fire with a crimson blush, and his lips were parted slightly, words on the tip of his tongue. His eyebrows were drawn together, as if he were trying to decide something.

His face was so close. So close... Too close…  


Oh.

My.

Fucking.

God.

Jeremy Heere just kissed me. 

The butterflies went completely still.

I licked my lips, savoring the salty taste of both of our tears. I looked up at Jeremy, recalling the feel of his soft, delicious lips on mine and the way my heart felt ready to burst.  
His eyes darted frantically from side to side, looking for a way to escape. I could see the undeniable fear in his eyes. I placed a slightly shaky hand on his chest to calm him a bit, but had no idea what to say.

I had to say something.

"Jeremy..." I whispered, searching for something to tell him. When I came up with nothing, I stretched my neck a tiny bit and kissed him back. I didn't realize how far we had gotten until Jeremy bit down slightly on my bottom lip. I had lost my socks somehow, my glasses were sliding down my nose, and one tank top strap was hanging off my shoulder. And Jeremy... holy shit. His cardigan was draped over the arm of the couch, and his shirt was hanging from around his neck. I yanked it off and pushed Jeremy onto his back, marveling at his bare chest.  
He was naturally skinny, but not skeleton thin. The Squip must have made him do push-ups or something, because there was an outline of a six-pack crisscrossing his stomach. I lightly brushed my fingers over his stomach, feeling every dip and ridge. 

"This okay?" I asked, my lips hovering over his stomach. He gulped and nodded, offering me a shaky smile.

I pressed a small kiss right above his belly button, triggering a small groan from him. I kept peppering his skin with small kisses, above his waistband, tracing his six-pack, around his waist. He let out a tiny whimper with each touch of my lips, watching me intensely. Mindlessly, I dragged my tongue up the small strip of hair that disappeared under his belt. He threw his head back and moaned, sending a tingle up my spine. He flattened out his hands and stretched out his fingers, pressing his palms into the couch cushions while slowly looking back at me. He was blushing, struggling to meet my gaze, "Can we... switch places?" He asked shyly.

My heart thumped in my chest, and my chapped lips cracked open as I smiled, "Anything you want, Jere."

Jeremy half-smiled and flipped my over onto my back, pinning me to the couch with strong legs. 

Bowing his head, he buried it into the crook of my neck, "How... in the world... did you think... that I wouldn't try anything... with you wearing this." He groaned as he inhaled deeply. My eyelids flickered in ecstasy, feeling his soft hands tickle my stomach, gripping the hem of my tank top. I put a hand out to stop him.

"Wha... Micah, do you want to stop?" He asked, looking abashed.

"No no no no. I just... want to keep my shirt on, that's all. Everything else..." I let my voice drop, "is fair game."

I must have been feeling daring if I was flirting, but Jeremy didn't even bat an eyelash before yanking my skimpy shorts off, lifting my legs a few inches and leaving me in my black underwear.

I grabbed Jeremy's wrist and pulled him closer, pushing my lips to his, relishing in the warmth he gave off. He trailed away, planting tiny kisses in a line down my neck and down my shoulder, then down my arm. He kept going, then, reaching my hand, whispered, "You are so beautiful, M." He kissed the tips of my fingers, and I let out an involuntary gasp, loving his soft lips on my sensitive fingertips.

Jeremy grinned and leaned in to kiss me again. I leaned forward hungrily and caught his lips in mine. He groaned and pressed the back of my head to the couch cushions. The improved angle caused my hand to fly out to the back of his head and a hollow gasp to escape my throat. Jeremy took that opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth, and I whimpered at the feeling. Oh hell, this was really happening. If someone had told me yesterday that I would be making out with Jeremy Heere, with me pants-less and him shirtless, I would have flipped them off and told them to go to hell. But, here I was, pinned to the couch by Jeremy’s warm lips and dancing tongue, my fingers buried in the hair at the nape of his neck. We seemed to stay that way forever, exploring each other’s mouths. At some point, I wrapped my legs around Jeremy’s waist and pulled him closer. 

We both jumped and pulled apart when Jeremy’s phone started ringing loudly and buzzing. He rolled his eyes and got up to answer it. 

“Hey, Dad.” 

Pause.

“I told you I was going to go to Michael’s. I’m sleeping at his place, remember? Yeah, bye Dad. See you tomorrow.”

I had almost forgotten that Jeremy was sleeping over, but I had little time to dwell on the thought before Jeremy clambered back on top of me. Right as his lips were about to brush mine, I whispered, “Wait.”

He pulled away and looked at me with an eyebrow raised. I wriggled out from underneath him and sat on the floor, motioning for him to sit down on the couch. 

“I wanna try something,” I said, gulping. I leaned over him and planted a firm kiss on his stomach, my hands reaching up to grab the waistline of his jeans. 

"Is this okay?" I looked up at him expectantly, relieved when he nodded. I tugged his pants off his legs and stared at the outline of his obvious erection through his stretched boxers, letting out a breath. I clenched my fists around the stiff denim of his jeans bunched in my hands, steeling myself, before gently easing Jeremy's underwear off his hips.

I froze, barely registering Jeremy kicking off his boxers. I was too distracted by the purely mouthwatering sight before me. Jeremy's erection was pointing straight up, the pink head slicked with dripping precum.

I slowly leaned forward and darted my tongue out, tentatively licking the very tip.The bittersweet taste triggered something in me, and I started to suck the head. Jeremy shuddered and moaned, and his hands flew to the back of my head, burying themselves in my hair. The momentum from the movement pushed my head forward onto his erection until the tip poked the back of my mouth. I almost choked, but squeezed my left thumb in my fist. I had read online that this helped suppress your gag reflex for some reason, and it worked. His swollen dick pushed down into my throat, and Jeremy shuddered as my lips squeezed around the base. 

My gag reflex came back suddenly, and I choked, tears leaking from my eyes as I jerked my head back.

"M, you good?" Jeremy frantically cupped my face in both hands.

I smiled weakly and nodded, coughing and wiping away the stray tears.

"Here, let's take a break. We don't have to do this." Jeremy rubbed the back of his neck and gave me a small smile. I climbed back onto the couch next to him and sat on his lap, facing him. I rested my arms on his shoulders and glanced at him, dropping my eyelids. He grinned and leaned forward, pressing his swollen lips to mine. I groaned as he did so, feeling his arms loop around my hips, pulling me closer.

I felt the soft heat of his stomach pressing against mine, and his erection trapped between us, throbbing with want. I leaned over him and tasted every inch of his mouth, exploring this new sensation. Still feeling a bit guilty for stopping mid-blowjob, I snaked my hand down and wrapped my fingers firmly around the base and began to pump his length, relishing his softly hitching breaths. It didn't take long for Jeremy to climax, his cum spurting in all directions, splattering on my hand and his bare stomach. I felt my stomach clench as I slowly pulled away from his mouth, his lips clinging to mine.

I darted my tongue out and licked up a drop of warm cum, the bittersweet taste stinging my tongue. Jeremy's lips parted and he moaned between gritted teeth. 

"Ew," I grimaced, wrinking my nose. "Not for me." 

Jeremy laughed, and dashed to the bathroom, returning with a wet washcloth that he used to wipe off my hand and his stomach.

Once his stomach was spotless, Jeremy tossed the washcloth aside. He gripped me by the hips and lifted me off of him, setting me sideways on the couch. The arm of the couch dug into my spine, and I squirmed, trying to get comfortable. Jeremy smiled and silently handed me a cushion, which I stuffed behind me. Jeremy crawled up between my legs, and a few butterflies shook awake and began to flutter around. I realized I hadn't been paying as much attention to them as normal. 

I banished them from my mind, focusing on the beautiful sight in between my slightly trembling legs.

Jeremy's hands were wandering further up my thighs with each passing second, and his lips edged their way under my tank top, which had ridden up. His mouth tickled the bottom of my ribcage with every kiss. 

Ragged moans escaped my mouth, Jeremy's kisses like warm sunlight. I dug my fingers into the couch cushion and went limp, relished the wisps of kisses fluttering along my skin. My eyes drifted shut, and I sighed. Jeremy took this as a sign to ease my underwear off of my hips. He took hold of me by the hips and rolled my over, cupping my ass in his hands. I blushed into the cushion, glad he couldn't see me.

I jumped slightly when I felt something wet and warm poking at my entrance, but then melted into the touch, groaning. Jeremy was working pure magic. I couldn't stop myself from grinding back against Jeremy's mouth as he rimmed me, dragging his tongue around my hole and poking it in.

I moaned through gritted teeth as Jeremy pushed a slick finger inside. It felt good, but a bit strange. I panted when he slipped another finger in and added more spit. Sparks flew as his fingertips nudged what must have been my prostate, and I gasped, taking a shuddering breath. Jeremy took note of my reaction and continued to attack that spot, adding a third finger as he curled them in. I rose to my knees, moaning, my hands flying to the arm of the couch in front of me. Shuddering, I leaned back hungrily onto his fingers, needing more. This was the most intense feeling I'd ever felt. I’d tried putting my fingers up there before, but it had felt nothing like this.

Jeremy slid a fourth finger inside, and I groaned involuntarily. He had hit my prostate right as he slipped his finger in, and the pleasure combined with the stretch of my rim pushed me over the edge. I lost myself in pleasure, my chest heaving. I dug my fingernails into the arm of the couch, a violent moan flying past my lips, “Ohhh, ohh, Jeremy!” I cried involuntarily. Cum spurted onto the cushion, and I went limp, panting heavily. 

I barely realized that I had screamed his name until he grabbed my hips, flipping me over gently.

His hot breath puffed against my mouth, and my eyes flew open. His face was an inch away from mine, his cheeks flushed and his eyes hooded. 

“Michael…” he whispered, voice full of affection. I shivered, a smile creeping onto my face. We both leaned forwards at the same time, closing the small distance between us.  
Our lips met and our breaths mingled. I sighed under him as he leaned over me. This kiss was sweet, slow, and tentative, and every muscle in my body tingled. His mouth felt full, soft, and heavenly. I felt his lips stretch into a smile as he pulled away and pulled my into his lap. My head rested on his leg, his hands caressing my hair, my neck, my chest. My heart sang, the butterflies nonexistent.  
We sat like that for what felt like forever, and I finally broke the silence. “So, Jere… would you want to go, uh… get lunch one day… or something?”

Jeremy glanced down at me, an ear splitting grin on his face, “Micah, I’d love to.”  
My eyes slid shut, and I smiled, pressing against Jeremy.  
And I could have sworn that, under his breath, Jeremy whispered, “I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> i realize that michael running out of clothes is a bit convenient... BUT SCREW IT LET ME HAVE MY SHIP ;))


End file.
